What a day of interrogation! I knew that I was facing another day of hell but prior to this day of inquiry I wasn’t even preparing myself for what is going to transpire because I knew it’s going to be hell and all I have to do is face it. Allowing what is in my plate right now, there’s no need to worry and let it be. I learned to live my life this way, I become the observer of my realities. But what is the truth? Is it the external reality or is it the observer of this drama that is real? The one who is in question is here but the one who is observing the drama is inside of you which is your consciousness. So who is the observer and the one who is answering the questions. I truly believe I am a part of this consciousness and what I’m projecting is what I’m feeling inside. So in order to live a life where there is unconditional love I have to love my own self with no conditions. To reach this enlightenment I had to be conscious of my participation of this drama and be able to recognize my truth which is love.
The lessons that I learn in this life is about loving myself first without the picture perfect image that I want others to think that I am. When truly my truth is beyond this image which is ego. My truth is that I am love without trying to be good or portraying that I am a good girl. Somehow there was a twisted belief that came from the painful past of incest, all my life I was trying to prove to the world that I am a good girl, that I have no anger and I was in total denial that my self was violated and in a disguise. I painted a picture of my life that I’m all about good not bad. Who can explain this to someone who is inside this pain and protected herself with this thick shell of shame? This is the voice of the victim and I’m not a victim anymore. I can see beyond this drama and I let go of these sufferings and become aware that I am responsible for my happiness.
These excavations remind me of my victorious journey to my new path. There is no limitations to what I can be and what I want to create. This starts when I learn to love my self unconditionally.That when I heal myself I heal my world and the people that I touch. This is the freedom from this illusion. I’m playing a big part in this consciousness when I become who I am which is just be. My being is here and the presence of my self is enough without trying to be someone. There is no separation and duality but only oneness, we are all in this play. Are we going to choose love or fear? It is your birthright to know the true meaning of your existence, no more excavations, the treasure is found that is your true self. The gem in this world that we claim and play, let’s remind ourselves where we came from and return home to that space of love and truth.