How do you find peace when there is chaos around you? As I experience my grieving process with losing my son Theo, what makes it challenging is that I still needed to work as a nurse in a stressful and chaotic atmosphere. Instead of healing my sorrows, I am surrounded by suffering either from my patients, family members and co- workers. Grieving and healing needs a sacred space with silence. I can only have this after my work from the nursing home. But because I am in a transition of being a full time entrepreneur, I am also doing my spiritual healing business after work. It is quite draining. I realized that I need this time and space for my own healing. How do I balance this transition? How can I maintain my inner peace in the midst of the nursing home? These are the questions that I want to reflect upon and be able to find harmony and inner strength to withstand these tumultous times.
As I grieve, I realized that I need to allow some quiet times for me and Theo. To allow my tears to flow. If I keep helping others with their lives, I will be lost in the sea of sorrows. I will not be able to swim and float but drown in the deepest depth of the bottom of the sea. It is not right for me and Theo not to be together in silence. I have to allow this space of blessed silence for me and Theo.
As a healer, nurse and mother I carry these archetypes of giving but sometimes I forget to receive. To receive love for myself, I have to be still. In stillness, I find my solace. When I am centered, grounded and guided I am stronger than who I am in this incarnated body. My inner strength comes from my spiritual guides and God. God is my spiritual force that leads me to this path of grieving. I am surely being taken care of, because I know without this powerful guidance I am lost. This comes from the Source of all that is.
To find solace, I created a sacred space for myself and Theo. The greatest lesson I received from Theo was time, he taught me that time is gold! I have to prioritize what my mission is. I found clarity with this gift. I totally surrender my life and service to God. Meaning that my books are my gifts in this world. With these gifts of wisdom, healing and knowledge I need to understand that I have to be focus on my co-creation with God. I am called to retreat with my soul with Theo. Isn’t that ironic that Theo meant God?
My co-worker today asked me how I can find peace in our nursing home. I asked them to close their eyes, meditate and ask that the golden and violet flame surround them. In this kind of work, you need to have a filter. This gives me the strength to continue with my nursing. I bless everyone that I meet and take care of in our nursing home. Then I go home with my two precious cats Buddha and Gaia, to rest and receive unconditional love.
As I found what I need to focus on, I needed to let go of others. To maintain connection with my friends, I realized I can create potluck dinners and meditation. Created Om Healing Community events that will bring us light workers together. I became minimalist in my consumption. Let go of stuff that does not serve my highest good. Treat my time golden. Prioritize my calling, to write about spirituality and healing. To find comfort in my retreats. To be with Theo, in this precious healing time. I hope that in writing this, my close family and friends will realized that I did not abandon them but I am just in retreat with Theo.
Blessings of peace,