Living in these multiple dimensions, we can get lost in the vortex of lower vibrations. We are now releasing these vibrations from our soul’s consciousness as we are on the path of ascension. Becoming more aware of what kind of vibrations, energy and frequencies surround us can be tricky at times. It will sometimes catch you off guard when you are trapped in the vortex.
I caught myself in this vortex as I wrote about addict archetypes. I realized, wait a minute, what am I doing in this anonymous group? This is not mine. I sat and listened to the stories of these poor souls and the energies were too heavy for me. I felt suffocated and tensed. My chest was heavy, wanting to catch a breath of fresh air.
I was in a vibration that was so low, I went home and had a hot bath with epsom salt, smudged with Palo Santo and prayed. Passed out early in my bed and received comfort from my cats and friend. What just happened to me? I reflected and felt the heart wrenching pain from the suicide and addiction of my son Theo. I felt I needed to be in that vortex to feel how painful it was for my son to experience addiction. There was also a calling for me to see how dark this path is and how I can volunteer to help them find hope and Light.
But in the midst of this, I felt I got carried away to a dark and low energetic vortex. The third day I came again to the group and sat down, I checked my email and there was an entrepreneur’s workshop. I asked myself, do I stay or go? I went out and drove to this business workshop. Here I was on fire, passionate and enthusiastic. This is me, my soul is high and loves making a difference in others’ lives. Such a contrast from the two days I spent sitting in the anonymous group. I am not belittling this group. I am just expressing what I felt vibrationally and energetically. The difference is wisdom and choosing where you want to stay.
I feel that the anonymous group is crucial in people’s addictions. This path will make you feel like you are not alone. You belong to some degree of pain that you have been hiding and holding. You are able to express yourself without being judged. You connect to a Higher power. You are able to feel and have the courage in your heart to move forward. The group nurtures your broken heart and soul. It is a very raw, vulnerable and loving energy. I felt this group would help any addict sustain a life that is supported in many aspects of life.
I asked myself, why did I go there? What is it that I wanted to explore? How can I be of service to them? I realized I was attracted because there is a deep pit of pain from losing my son in his addictions. I wanted to feel and hear the voices of these poor souls who had struggled with addictions throughout their lifetime. I felt my son’s agony and challenges. Many times we tried to tell Theo to go to this group. I remembered he did sometimes, but it was not for him. Theo was always into motivational and inspirational speakers. He listened daily, meditated, exercised and was such an ambitious, focused and disciplined person. What happened? I felt the disconnection was from this deep pain of low self-esteem. Being so hard on himself and critical of what he has not attained. He lost himself in his own mind. Thinking can get you in deep trouble. We are human beings; we need to express our pain by not thinking but fully opening our hearts to those people that we can trust and love. Theo was not able to control his mental illness, he was at the brink of delusional thoughts and paranoia. This dark space will make you feel a deep separation from the Source of all that is.
The Higher Power is about surrendering your life, acknowledging that you cannot solve everything that is given to you. When you find yourself in this dark space, illuminate by asking God or Source for help. Through this total surrendering of your being, you will find comfort and the love beyond this world. Silence and contemplation takes me to this sacred space. You are never alone. You are here to illuminate this world. This deep knowing, that whatever happens in your life, may it be the death of your own children, can lead you to your highest calling. I know this deep sense of knowing within my being. The Creator did not hand me this kind of darkness without knowing I can transmute it, illuminate and be free of darkness. I am the Light that I am seeking within. I am the co-creator of this divine and sacred path of being a human.
In this Light, I will volunteer to make a difference in the recovery homes for the addicts. Here in the midst of pain, I find comfort and solace knowing that I am with my son. As a I shed Light, I found the calling of my heart and soul, to be with my son Theo. Thank you universe for giving me this divine path, painful as it is, I found the diamond in the rough.